Thursday, November 4, 2010

Oh Happy Day

Margaret, happy days are here again. The skies above are blue again.  It really is  just too good to be true.  The Republican gains delivered by the Tea Party are almost more than I could hope for.  I only wish that lovely Witch in Delaware could have come along for the party as well.

Now let’s see.  Where do I begin?  Our taxes will soon be about zero percent so let’s start spending today to get this economy back on track.  The government will shrink to a size somewhat equal to the size of our military which means  Social Security has to go.  Those of us who were smart enough to save for a rainy day will be high and dry… for at least a few months.   And I got a good check-up from my doctor recently so I don’t need my Medicare… for at least a few months.

Now about that black man in the Oval Office.  It will take a few days to get impeachment hearings underway, but until then I hear they are moving him out of the White House and into that little room at the top of the Washington Monument so he can’t cause any more trouble.  Oh and Ms. Pelosi is out too.  How dare she take on the Health Insurance Industry.  Didn’t she realize people own stock in those companies?
Gays are no more.  They all left, presumably to join the French Army.   And teen pregnancies are a thing of the past.  Teens will no longer have sex.  Except the Palins.  The Palins will abandon teen pregnancies as easily as a camel will pass through the eye of an early pregnancy test stick.  No.  The Palins will continue to give birth to abstinence only babies.  That we know for sure.

Abortion?  Well everyone knows that was just a luxury American women really couldn’t afford anyway.  And government will now be small enough to actually fit inside a woman’s uterus, so all women with unwanted pregnancies have left, presumably to join the French Army.

Sarah Palin has a clear path to the Presidency in 2012… which means we’ll have another presidential election in 2014 when she quits.  No problems though.  Michele Bachmann has been talking to God and he assures her that the two years as Vice President will fly by and she will be in the Oval Office before she knows it.  Let’s all start a prayer group for her now.

I found it interesting that John Boehner declared that Washington has been put on notice.  Considering how long he’s been a part of Washington, I say Politician heal thyself.  Yes.  Washington has been put on notice indeed.  It’s been put on notice that Americans have the attention span of a gnat.

If there is one thing we learned last night, it is not that Americans are mad at their government.  It’s not that Americans want lower taxes.  It’s not even that Tea Party Americans who voted for McCain don’t like Barack Obama.  We knew all that.  What we learned last night is something we really should have known all along.  Americans want what we don’t have.   And once we have it, we no longer want it.  2012 will be here before we know it, and  I wonder how we will feel then about what we have now.

No worries Margaret.   Nothing changes quickly in Washington.  And that is probably the best thing about our system of government.  Time is on our side.  Eventually Americans realized that slavery was unacceptable.  Eventually Americans realized that women should be given the right to vote.  Eventually  Americans realized that Senior Citizens needed a little help at the end of their lives and those living in poverty needed a little leg up from time to time.   Eventually we even realized that healthcare should be available for anyone who needs it…. errr.  Well, it takes time.  That’s my point.

Now go have some pie and take some time to enjoy your day.  I mean it.  Really.

Friday, October 22, 2010

I can see November on my TV... so I turned it off

Margaret, all it takes is ten minutes of channel surfing and you quickly find out that the number of problems facing America seem to correspond with the number of channels offered on cable television.  I told Harold to cancel our subscription and get out the old rabbit ears.

If Glenn Beck hasn't met a half-man-half-monkey yet, he didn't get out much during his rally.  There was more knuckle dragging on the National Mall that day than the National Zoo... about 89,000 more.  And I find it odd that Sarah Palin can see November from her house but she couldn't see a teen pregnancy coming if her life depended on it.  Maybe if she spent more time at her house rather than at Tea Party rallies, one of her children might actually graduate from those abstinence only classes with a passing grade.

Folks,  from where I sit, we've never had it so good.   One less war.  Most of the TARP money paid back and another Great Depression avoided.  Unemployment numbers are shitty - yes - BUT imagine how bad it would be if Republicans had done away with unemployment benefits like they wanted.  And as someone who has Medicare, I can assure you that government-run healthcare isn't Obamacare, it's common-decency-care.

The Tea Party wants to complain about Obama's "run-away spending" but the fact is Bush spent billions on wars while Obama has spent billions on an economic stimulus package.  Fact.  More private sector jobs were created in the last 8 months than in the entire 8 years of the Bush presidency.  Fact.  The only thing the Republican Party has increased recently is the number of gay teen suicides.

And yes, Whoopi and Joy shouldn't have walked off.  But Bill O'Reilly never should have walked on.  He has plenty of air time to get his view out.  Barbara didn't need to give him more.

Did anyone watch the Charlie Rose interview with Nancy Pelosi?  What exactly do people not like about her?   I think she is lovely.  But who am I kidding?  Most Americans can list the accomplishments of a Real Housewife of New Jersey but have no idea what Nancy Pelosi has done or not done.

Thank God PBS comes through on the rabbit ears.  I mean it really.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Margaret and Helen's Pledge to America

Margaret, the problem with Populism is that the population includes asses like Sarah Palin and her Tea Party.  Someone needs to remind them that this is America.  The government is elected by the people.  Questioning your government is patriotic.  Hating your government, one the other hand,  is simply a form of self loathing.

And let's talk about that hatred.  It seems so at odds with the supposed Christian morals they so proudly espouse.  They hate big government but instead of taking issue with the largest part of that government - the military - they take issue with healthcare.  They hate big government but they have no issue with government being big enough to intervene in the private health decisions of a woman seeking to end a pregnancy or the private decisions of a husband wanting to end the decade long sufferings of his wife.  They hate big government but they don't seem to hate using government to legislate hate against homosexuals.  And they hate big government, but they don't seem to hate it when they can use it to fuel their hatred.  Gosh I hate that...

And now those morons in Washington with the "R" after their names have made another pledge to America.   I guess it's just one more thing they can do today and then ignore tomorrow .   A Contract With America.   A Pledge to AmericaMission Accomplished.   For goodness sakes how many times are we going to fall for this prank?  They spend years screwing everything up and then eventually pledge to not do it again.  How about not doing it the first time... or the second time for that matter?

 Here is my pledge to you Margaret.  I hope you like it.

I pledge that I will actually read the Constitution before pledging to uphold it.  And I pledge that if I am too stupid to understand its intent,  I won't become a politician.

I pledge not to start two wars, give tax breaks to millionaires, ruin the economy and then get mad when someone shows me the bill.

I pledge not to be a hypocrite or a Republican - whichever comes first.

I pledge to remember that religious freedoms apply to all religions including the lack of a religion.  And I pledge to remember that no matter how much I believe in my religion, I will remember that my neighbor believes in his religion just as much.  And finally, I pledge that if I believe in my religion too much I will keep it to myself.

I pledge to stop calling Sarah Palin a bitch when she finally admits that she is too stupid to run this country.

I pledge that I won't hate gay people in public and then sleep with them in private.

I pledge to accept the fact that John McCain really can't pull his head out at this point.  It's in too deep.

I pledge not to be shocked when Rick Sanchez announces his new show on Fox News.

I pledge to remember that there are 6 billion people in the world and only 300 million of them live in the United States .  And with 300 million Americans to choose from, we can't do better than John Boehner?  Really?

And Margaret, my dear, I pledge that I will vote on November 2.  I meant it.  Really.

 Here is my pledge to you dear.

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

That about sums it up, dear.  That and Endust is as good if not better than Pledge.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The Real Housewife of Wasilla

Margaret, that Sarah Palin sure seems to be enjoying her moment in the spotlight.   And it appears she got another one of her Tea Party candidates one step closer to November 2nd.  Now,  I for one don't begrudge her all this newly found fame and fortune.  I still think she is an idiot, but I don't begrudge her all this success.   I just wish she came by it in a way that didn't involve the fate of our nation.... like maybe being on The Real Housewives of Wasilla.

I hear she is about to have her own television show on the Learning Channel.  Do you think she will learn anything?  And when exactly did the Learning Channel become the Learning Deficiency Channel?

Well, I say good for her.   If there was ever a person that was destined to be on one of those dysfunctional reality shows it would be Sarah Palin.  Maybe she will eat a rat like that little one on the The View. I hope she has huge ratings and gets out of politics for good.  Because stupid on television is one thing.  But stupid running our nation... well George Bush proved that to be a really bad idea.

Before that jackass preacher down in Florida decided not to burn the Quran, Ms. Palin sent out a little one of those face tweeter things.  She said she thought burning the Quran was as bad as building that mosque in Manhattan.  Leave it to an idiot to denounce one form of religious intolerance by promoting another form of religious intolerance.  

It's a damn Burlington Coat Factory.  Did you know that Margaret?  This building they consider to be on sacred ground - or at least sacred ground for everyone but Muslims - is a Burlington Coat Factory.  Has everyone gone crazy?  It's not at ground zero and it's not even a mosque, honey.  It's a cultural center.  And as far as sacred ground goes, we really should be careful.   They have a whole lot of "sacred ground" in the Middle East and it tends to cause never-ending wars.   This country already goes to war too often for sacred oil.  We don't need to add sacred ground to the list.

When exactly will common sense return to America?  Just how far can the Republican Party - now called the Tea Party - throw the bullshit before someone calls them on it?  You just have to pay attention to Sarah Palin for all of ten minutes before you realize just how deep it gets.  And now this Christine O'Donnell has waded into the mess.

Margaret, it just makes me want to cry sometimes.   But you know me.  When faced with idiots and jackasses, I don't cry.  I bake a pie.

So have some pie and a little coffee.   I know you prefer tea, dear, but skip the tea and have some coffee for me until after November.  I mean it .  Really.